You're Only Human
by flashpenguin
Summary: Distressed over his reaction to kissing Iris, Reese sits at the local pub trying to find his answers and redemption in the bottom of a bottle of peppermint Schnapps. Until Fusco finds him and consoles him with the truth that he's allowed to make a mistake or two. *COMPLETE!*


_After Tuesday's ep, I fought the urge to throw my chair into the TV set after watching Reese kiss Iris. I mean, what has happened to the most bad ass character ever written? Seriously, has Nolan sunk so low and decided to thumb his nose at fans by making John Reese a wuss?! I spread it around that we should boycott the show for the rest of the season. Hell, even my man Fusco gave me the silent treatment for a couple of days. Then he started relaying a convo he and Reese had concerning the kiss, failure, and Joss. It's another bar talk. And I hope you like it._

_I don't own Person of Interest._

_Song prompt: "You're Only Human (Second wind)" by Billy Joel_

* * *

**You're Only Human**

_What the hell did I do?_

That wasn't the only question floating around John Reese's mind, but it was the most prevalent. Sipping his drink, he tried to concentrate on getting drunk, but even that was eluding him. Suddenly the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Without bothering to turn around, he greeted the person standing behind him.

"Hello, Lionel. You know," Reese quipped, "we should really stop meeting this way."

"Heh. Maybe if you weren't so predictable, we wouldn't," Lionel replied. Coming around, he took the stool opposite his partner and friend.

"How did you find me?"

"We...ell," Lionel drawled, "after you ran out of the 8th, I figured you would be heading one of two places. So I flipped a coin. And here I am."

"Lucky me," Reese murmured against the rim of the shot glass.

"What you havin'?" the bartender asked as he wiped the counter of the bar.

Lionel nodded toward Reese. "What he's having."

"I thought you gave up alcohol, Lionel."

"Never too late to right that wrong. Let me see what you're drinking." Grabbing one of the empty shot glasses on the counter, Lionel brought it to his nose and sniffed. Wincing, he set it down. "Peppermint schnapps?" He turned to the bartender. "Second thought, make it a Sprite with a twist. Heavy on the twist."

A minute later the drink was delivered and the bartender left the two men alone.

"So, what's up?" Lionel inquired in his usual grab the bull by the horns kind of way.

"Don't you have some bad guys to arrest?" Reese wondered.

"Nope. Since you and I became a team, we've managed to make Manhattan safer, so I have a few minutes to sit back and relax."

Biting his tongue, Reese threw the drink back. Lionel made a face and set his glass down.

"Eww. I'm going to guess that your therapy session didn't go as well as you hoped."

"You don't know the half of it, Lionel," Reese said under his breath. Closing his eyes, he tried to find his balance.

"Tell me. What happened? She threaten to expose you?"

"No. I don't want to talk about it."

"Sure you do. Why else are you here? Tell me what happened. Maybe I can help. Maybe put a good word in for you."

"Can we drop it?"

"No. She make a pass at you? Find out your secret identity? Deem you sane?" Lionel threw out the many possibilities that could have upset his friend and drive him back to the bottle to look for answers.

"None of the above. She kissed me."

Lionel was taken aback by the revelation. "She...what?"

"And I kissed her back," Reese confessed.

Mouth agape, Lionel set his glass down before letting out his breath in a long whistle. "Say again?" He knew his ears had to be playing tricks on him. There was no way he heard what he thought he heard.

"I kissed her."

Reese left it there, but his brain replayed every moment from the time his lips met with Iris' to when he broke away and fled the 8th so he could get his senses clear and back on track.

_Their lips had met. Not passionately. No, he wasn't that kind of person. He could never feel passion for someone he didn't know, but he could feel want and need. And right now, this moment, he was feeling a want. He wanted to feel alive. He wanted to feel a purpose. He had been dead inside since Joss left, but as his lips moved over Iris's, he felt a weird sense of arousal. _

_Moving from her mouth, he kissed her face and trailed down along her jaw to her neck. He felt her pulse quicken. His lips moved to the base of her throat and he breathed in her musky, perfumed scent. His body went hard. He needed release. _

_He felt her hands pull his dress shirt out of his slacks and unbutton it to push it down over his shoulders so it fell softly to the floor. With deft fingers, he unbuttoned her blouse and pushed it aside to look at her. Small but firm breasts encased in twin satin cups heaved with desire. With his index finger he traced the outline of her nipple. He barely heard the intake of her breath as he encircled it and teased it to a hardened peak before closing his mouth over it. There was no tenderness as he suckled her. He heard her whisper his name and it drove him nearly to the edge of no return._

_Her fingers curled into his hair as he moved his mouth to love the other breast. His hand snaked under her skirt and teased the small nub of her desire. Her words were incoherent, but he wouldn't have heard them anyway; he was intent on taking her. He had wanted her for so long. He wanted to bury himself deep and claim her until he couldn't see straight. He wanted to die in her arms._

_He felt her face press against his neck as she tensed, then gave into her orgasm. She said his name and it sounded like heaven. Picking her up, he carried her to the couch where he laid her gently on the cushions. He touched her hair, stroked her cheek. He wanted to see her naked beneath him._

_He thought he heard her moan his name, but that didn't mean anything to him; all he wanted to do was love her until he couldn't anymore. _

_He pushed her blouse aside and trailed kisses down the valley between her breasts to her navel. Dipping his tongue in, he heard her breath turn to pants. He needed her! Moving his mouth across her flat stomach, he paused. Something was wrong! Touching the flesh he found it smooth. There was no scar. No reminder of an injury._

_Opening his eyes he looked down at the woman beneath him. _

_It wasn't Joss._

"And...?" Lionel prompted to break his friend out of his reverie.

"Nothing. I left." Reese's nails dug thru the wool blend material of his slack and into his thighs.

"You kissed her and then you left?" Lionel sounded incredulous at the thought of someone being so caught up in the moment and then having the strength to walk away.

Reese brought the glass to his lips. "That's pretty much it."

"You didn't try to get to second base?" Lionel wondered. Reese shot him a glare. "Hey, I was just making sure. Trust me, pal, I've heard some things go on in a therapist's office, and it has nothing to do with counseling."

"I wanted to, but...I couldn't." Reese threw the drink back and squeezed his eyes shut as it burned a path down his throat.

"Couldn't or wouldn't?"

"Does _your_ therapist know you have this side?" Reese shot back.

"Some secrets are best kept in the dark." Lionel sipped his drink thru the straw and contemplated his next question. "Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Why her?"

"You mean Iris?"

Lionel gave a sarcastic snort of disgust. "How many blows to the head have you taken? Of course I meant Iris."

"I don't know." He hadn't considered why he broke his own code and kissed a therapist – the same therapist who had already seen thru his disguise and called him out. And now he was sitting in a pub beating himself up over his slip.

"And now you're here trying to shove yourself into a bottle of booze – again – Schnapps, no less – because you feel guilty," Lionel replied matter-of-factly.

"How did you know?"

"You think I haven't been in your shoes? Hell, I've done a lot worse that just kiss some therapist in the heat of the moment because I was horny," the stout detective revealed with shame. "I did a lot things after my ex-wife kicked me out of the house – none that I'm proud of – but I understand what you're going through."

Reese cast his friend a sideways glance. "I wasn't 'horny', Lionel," he corrected bitterly. Although he was more bitter with himself than with the man sitting next to him. He turned the small glass around in his fingers. What had he been thinking? It was a question with no answer.

"Yeah, you were." Lionel raised both of his eyebrows in surprise. "Hey, look, there is nothing wrong with having 'normal' feelings. Hell, even Superman got horny and gave into his urges a couple of times."

"Yeah," Reese mused. "But when Superman gave in to his human side, the world went into chaos, and the White House was commandeered by aliens."

"Well, I wouldn't go all that drastic since you only kissed her. But if it helps ease your conscience, I think the world is going to survive to see another day, Wonder Boy, despite you getting a hard on," Lionel tried to soothe his friend's feelings.

Reese could find no words to reply to the comment. No matter what he did, he couldn't make sense of why he dropped his guard and gave in. He thought he had gotten that out of his system with Kara. He thought he was better than that. Now he was sitting on a bar stool berating himself.

"Maybe you don't look at yourself from a realistic point of view, but as much as you want to believe you're a superhero, you're only human, John," Lionel said as gently as he could. "You're allowed to make a mistake or two, and no one will hold it against you."

"I thought she was someone else," Reese admitted.

"We...ell, that changes things. Anyone I know?"

Reese shrugged.

"I see." And he did. There was no way Lionel couldn't have worked beside the Man In The Suit for nearly five years and not seen the writing on the wall. "I'm sure Joss has forgiven you."

Reese turned his head in surprise at his friend's words. "What?" His hand shook ever so slightly as he placed the glass on the bar. He swallowed hard.

"Did you really think I didn't notice that you had feelings for our mutual friend?" Lionel asked. "I've known from day one that you cared for her. Hell, you threatened to shoot me if anything happened to her, remember? You took her to Texas. You opened your soul to her at Rikers. And," he continued, "if I had any questions about your feelings for her, those were answered in the hallway when you had that bomb strapped to your chest. Why you didn't just take her and kiss her senseless right then and there..." He shook his head.

"You took out a group of heavily armed and trained federal officers guarding Alonzo Quinn – while you were bleeding to death! Then you tried to shove yourself into a whiskey bottle in the Middle of Nowhere, Colorado. And then I kicked your ass."

"I let you," Reese murmured.

"Pfft! The hell you did. I let you off easy, pal. I was quite the scrapper back in the day."

"Back in the day."

"I beat the shit out of Simmons."

"Yeah."

"So you think Joss hates you as much as you hate yourself." Lionel watched his friend's face for any change in his expression. "Joss could never hate you. She believed in you and trusted you. Hell, she gave her life for you. So don't think for two minutes that she's holding a grudge because you wanted to feel human for two minutes. You have the right to want to feel more than the pain of loneliness eating a hole in your soul."

"I liked it," Reese admitted. He had liked it more than he thought he would.

"Nothing wrong with liking it; just don't let it rule your life. Be careful that what you want is what you need." Lionel leaned in and lowered his voice. "Just between us, any therapist who sleeps with their patient is looking more for manipulation than healing." He let the words sink in. "I can't tell you what to do – even I am not that brave – but trust me on this: If you get involved with Iris, you're going to unleash something bigger than an IA investigation, friend."

Lionel finished his drink in silence. Reaching in his back pocket, he pulled out his wallet and extracted a few bills.

"Lionel..." Reese protested.

"I got this, John." Lionel threw the money on the counter.

"Thanks, Lionel," Reese tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Go home, John, or go for a walk and get your second wind. Or go visit Joss. But get your brain and heart clear because we have bad guys to catch tomorrow." He patted his partner and friend on the back.

"Yeah."

"No matter what happens, I got your back," Lionel promised. Reese looked up. His eyes searched Lionel's. "You're stuck with me, remember?"

Reese nodded sadly. Lionel whistled for the bartender.

"Let him have one more round, then send him home," he ordered in his best police officer tone. He turned to Reese. "If I find out that you disobeyed my order, I'll finish what I started in Colorado, capice?"

"Good night, Lionel."

"Good night, John."

Reese waited for Lionel's footsteps to fade into the distance before he picked up the shot glass. He looked at it, examining it for answers to questions he wanted and needed.

But they never came.

_**The End.**_


End file.
